Savannah Lee

So I was reading this Salon article, "History is Bunk After All," which expounds the not-shocking thesis that much of what we have learned is a twisted version of events meant to serve an agenda.

Among the examples: wedding traditions. Or, "traditions."

"For most of the history of Christendom, a wedding was a low-key affair conducted at home without the benefit of clergy. ...the customs of the "traditional" wedding (the elaborate church ceremony, the white dress, etc.)...were concocted [in the 19th century]."

But we see them as timeless and eternal.

And they have taken over the entire western world.

Think of the scale of most contemporary weddings. It's staggering. People have to hire professionals just to help them get through it. And--really, all for nothing, when you think about it. For some notions about cakes and dresses and clergymen that took hold in the western world around 150 years ago.

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Of course, the truth is, I love weddings. "Who doesn't?", I am tempted to ask. I like going to Martha Stewart Weddings and looking at the "Real Weddings" slideshows, like this one, Alexis and Rey. It's fascinating to look at pictures of people's weddings, because wedding ceremonies have become the ultimate statement of who you are. Dogs sniff each other; humans stage weddings. By our weddings, ye shall know us.

Take my dear friend "Louisa"'s wedding, for example, which--for its sheer originality, fun, and how incredibly true it was to the story of her and her husband--ought to be on that Martha Stewart website.

Louisa and her husband...did I pick a fake name for him? I can't remember. Oh yeah! Rick. So: Louisa and Rick made everything personal about their wedding. It took place in the house of worship that they attended. A friend of theirs played the piano. They chose the Peanuts theme as their recessional. At their reception, they covered the tables in rolls of white paper, on which guests could write messages, creating a super-informal 'album' of the proceedings. Dinner was potluck, which was how they always did parties, and a friend made the cake out of instructions in a book. Louisa made her own gown. (DIY--another big Louisa and Company theme. Intrepid forging ahead.)

For the dancing, they hired the band that was playing in the club where Louisa's husband proposed to her six months before. (He did this, by the way, on stage, leaping up at an opportune moment to go down on one knee and plead for Louisa's hand.)

It was so them. It was so much who they were, and, fourteen years later thankyouverymuch, are.

Speaking of which, how's this--they celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary in the exact same place of worship that they still attended, with all the same friends plus new ones, and their kids. If we hadn't all been having such a great time, I would have been weeping the whole way through at the sheer enormity of the achievement that this represented--the rootedness, the depth, the faithfulness, the sticktoitivness, the Circle of Life, the love, the whole thing. "Seasons of Love," for damn sure.

In Louisa and Rick's case, the customs they followed (dress, cake, religious service) might not have been 'real'...but Louisa and Rick were.

The article says:

"Convincing ourselves that weddings have always been wrapped in sacred and sentimental rituals is like a charm against our suspicion that marriage may not be that romantic after all."

Oh, it's not. It's something much better.